Stuck

Afton has always been such a huge blessing in my life. She is my bright spot. Her sweet spirit has gotten me through times of darkness and turmoil. I have already learned so much from being her mother. Everyday I learn more and more about how much my heavenly parent's love me just from feeling the love I have for her. I am constantly being taught lessons about life and who I am just by being her mother. The other day I was helping Afton take her clothes off so she could have a bath. I was pulling up her shirt and she slipped both of her arms out. The shirt was stuck over her face and she began to panic. She flailed her arms and whined. I tried to help her but she kept wiggling too much. I quietly reassured her that everything would be okay if she would just let me help. She calmed down and I was able to get her shirt off. In that moment it hit me. So many times in my life I have been stuck in darkness. I have panicked and not known what to do. I have forgotten that there is always someone there to help. I'm sure so many times I have been whispered to that it would all be okay if I just waited for help. Unfortunately many times I have not heard these quiet whispering a and have continued to flail in my darkness for quite some time before I was able to escape. I regret this. I'm sure in some ways I have made things harder for myself. This moment with Afton has stuck with me since it happened. I thought it over and over in my mind. The more I think about it the more I know that it is time for me to really start listening and being willing to receive help from those who love. I can no longer do it alone.

Another Round

Here I go again..... 

I have much more freedom than I have had in a long time. Too much freedom. Enough to drive me insane half of the time. Enough freedom that I have time to ramble to myself about various things that may or may not be of interest to anybody but me. Once in awhile I will get a genius thought and think, "Man that should really be in a blogpost." So here I am ready for another round. Pretending that this may last. We will see. 

I quit my job.

Thus 40+ hours of freedom to do this ^.

I loved my job. I loved my coworkers and the amazing teens I got to work with. I felt like I was making a difference and I knew I was where I was needed. As time went on I became restless. It was time to grow in different ways. It was/is still SCARY. I'm trying to trust that The Lord knows what he is doing. It is a RELIEF. I now have time to take care of my family and myself.  It is STRANGE. I haven't been this free since maybe never. I don't know what to do with all this time. The things I dream of doing are more like nightmares if you add a splash of toddler in the mix. Excercise? Ha yeah while Afton tries to climb up on the elliptical with me. (I am currently experimenting with various forms of distraction) Library? All I can see is Afton walking down the aisles ripping books off the shelves. Cooking? Tried it... Somehow Afton ended up with a mouthful of yeast when I wasn't looking. 

I haven't even been jobless a month. I still have time to perfect the "art" of entertaining a toddler while getting stuff done. 

It's been months.....

Time has flown. No use catching up at this point. I do not blog regularly because well I rarely have a free moment. Back in May I had the opportunity to apply for a full time position at my work. Me and Trevor debated back and forth about it. We knew that it would be hard if I decided to work full time but we also felt like it would be really good for me and our little family. I ended up getting the job and started in June. It was one of the best and hardest decisions I have made. In this culture you grow up being taught that staying at home with the kids is the ideal. I agree that it is the ideal but not for everyone. I am so much happier working full time and being mom. The first month was hard but after that things fell in to place and it's just normal now. People always ask how we do it. We just do. Trevor works graveyards. I work Saturday through Wednesday. I work all nights except for Tuesdays I work in the morning and go to school at night. When I am at work Afton is with Trevor. About once a week she ends up at grandmas. Trevor sleeps when I am home in the mornings and when Afton naps. She some how knows to have really long naps when Trevor is home with her. Our lives are a bit unconventional but we are happy and that's what matters. There are days when I miss my little family and is hard to leave for work. But I feel better knowing that my sweet girl is with a daddy who loves her and takes good care of her. Afton is 10 months and growing so fast. She does not seem like a baby anymore. She is constantly developing new skills and surprising us. She has been saying da da forever and all the time. Once in a grand while she would say ma. About two weeks ago she started saying ma ma and mom all the time and rarely says dad. When she is mad at Trevor she starts yelling for me. She is a little sassy pants. She loves baby dolls. She will pat, kiss (slobber), talk to, and lay her head on her babies. At nap time she loves to use her baby as a pillow. She can stand on her own but prefers not to and slowly lowers herself to the ground. She has four top teeth and three bottom teeth. She got 5 teethin a matter of one month. That was a long month. She loves to get into things. When you tell her no she will pause and smile at you and then gkeep doing what she was doing. If you say no again she will laugh and then hurry and crawl away like she knows she is in trouble. She loves to talk and will jabber to herself constantly. She eats everything she can get her hands on. She has known how to climb stairs for awhile. She just barely figured out that the staircase goes beyond two stairs. She is quite proud of herself and takes any opportunity she can to show off her skills. Afton loves riding in a shopping cart but always ends up turning around and standing up so she can see everything. So some big news... We are building a home in Salem. It should be done by the end of January. We are so excited! Bigger house and way bigger yard. Our lot is about a half of an acre. It sits on a little hill with a gorgeous view of the valley. We have this house listed and are writing patiently to sell it. So if anyone needs a house.... Now for some pictures.

Months 0,1,2,3

Since I'm obviously not awesome enough to do a monthly update I am just posting pictures of Afton showing how much she has grown and changed.

My only excuse for neglecting to post about my baby these past three months is the wiggly baby sitting in my lap.

Rewind 3 months and no amount of advice wanted or not could have prepared me for the adventure I was about to begin. The first couple days of parenthood were a breeze. A nurse at my beck and call 24/7. Being able to ask why my baby was making random gagging sounds and getting an educated response... she had swallowed some amniotic fluid. The best part was finally having Afton in my arms. It was most certainly love at first sight. We were in complete awe. The first night we decided not to send her to the nursery because by the time everything was all said and done it was pretty late. But really we didn't want to let her go. She slept right next to my bed. I didn't sleep much. It was like having Christmas morning a little early. Only I already knew what my present was. I also was extremely hot.Stupid hormones. Every time a nurse came in to take my blood pressure I asked her to turn down the temperature. Then I would get checked for a fever that I knew was nonexistent. In the morning my nurse asked me if I wanted to start to taking some pain killers. I told her I was fine with just some ibuprofen. I hadn't felt any pain yet. She thought I was crazy and brought me the strong stuff anyways.  The second night we sent Afton to the nursery. Yeah that lasted for about an hour. The nursery was just down the hall. I kept waking up thinking I could hear her screaming. I called the nurse's station and asked them to bring her to my room. Yeah she was sound asleep. but I was able to get some peace of mind and a little sleep. We had to stay an extra day at the hospital because I had tested positive for group B strep. They have to monitor the baby for 48 hours to make sure everything is okay. We weren't able to be discharged until 6 pm Friday night. By the time we finally got discharged I hadn't eaten anything since lunch and I needed pain killers badly. We said goodbye to the wonderful luxuries of the hospital and headed to Spanish Fork. Like I said I was starving at this point. So we went through the drive thru at Artic Circle. That's right my first meal after the hospital was a country chicken sandwich. When we got home I pretty much collapsed on the couch. I was crying and shaking from being in so much pain. I am pretty sure this freaked Trevor out. The next morning we had to take Afton to get a bilirubin test to confirm her jaundice. There is nothing like watching somebody milk blood out of your child's heel. It made my stomach churn. Later that day home health brought the bili lights. That was not fun at all. We had to leave her on the lights 24/7 except to feed and change her. It was so hard. She cried and cried. Being that my hormones were completely out of wack. I cried and cried along with her.

I'm not even going to try and up on the past fourish months so these are just some random things about miss Afton.

She started rolling from her tummy to her back at 6 weeks. We have to keep a close eye on her.

When she wakes up in the morning she growls like a baby bear and stretches for about ten minutes. After that she is all smiles and giggles.

She talks a lot. We regularly have long mother daughter chats.

She has a teddy bear that she absolutely loves. She loves to coo at him and eat his leg or pull at his fur.

She fake cries whenever she wants attention or to be picked up.

She only wakes up once a night to eat or sleeps through the night completely. It is awesome!

We love her so much. I tell Trevor all the time how I love her so much I want to squish her. Now for some pictures....

An education

Having a baby and going to school has been quite the challenge for me. I know people do it all the time but that doesn't make it any easier. Because my schedule is so different from traditional routes I am only allowed one absence per class. We were crossing our fingers that Afton would wait to born at a time when I could more easily miss a class and be fine. She of course didn't want to wait. I ended up being in labor on a Tuesday night and has to miss that night of school plus my groups presentation on top of that. I had talked to my counselor beforehand and found out that in certain cases such as mine the university will excuse a second absence. So I wasn't planning on going to school the next week after giving birth. Well my teacher emailed me and basically made it clear that she wanted me in class the next week. So off I went six days post partum. Afton was an angel and took a bottle like a champ for Trev. I on the other hand cried most of the way to school. While in class all I could think about was how weird I felt without my baby. I rushed home right after.
Since having Afton I have realized I can't procrastinate homework but..... I still do. It's just a lot more stressful now. Every Tuesday Afton goes to one of her grandmas houses while I go to school. We are so lucky to have our parents so close and so thankful for all the help they give.
And now some pictures of the different and creative ways I get homework done....

Afton Ruth's Grand Entrance

And so the birth story begins.... Being pregnant for the first time is stressful especially nearing the end. You have no clue what being in labor is like yet you are supposed to get out a stop watch and start timing things. The weekend before Afton was born Trevor worked a double from 3pm to 7am. I woke up at about 3am with some pretty bad back pain. I took a bath hoping it would help. Not so. At one point I was laying on the floor in my bathroom thinking how terrible it would be if I was in labor and Trevor wasn't even home. Eventually the pain went away and I went back to bed. The back pain came on and off throughout the weekend. Of course most of the time it was in the middle the night. Several episodes were so bad they sent me back to worshipping the white porcelain goddess. None of this was timeable, consistent, or getting stronger. It all ebbed and flowed. On Monday I decided after some discussion with my mother that this was becoming the real deal. On and off all day I had what we figured were contractions. This continued into Tuesday. By this point I was so fed up with it that I finally broke down and called the clinic hoping they would freak out that I had waited this long and tell me to go to the hospital immediately. I told the nurse what was going on and her response was that I was having Braxton Hicks. I wanted to punch her. These were so far from Braxton Hicks that I should have had my baby by then. At this point I was so worn down physically and emotionally. There was nothing we could do but wait. I did not have another noticeable contraction after the phone call with the lovely nurse. I had an appointment the next morning. We brought along my mom because Trev had a final later and in a just in case scenario I would end up at the hospital. At the appointment I found out I had lost five pounds since the week before from all my worshipping. They were concerned. Conclusions were jumped to that I had the flu. Not the case. Other things of concern: protein in my urine, slightly high blood pressure, dilated to a 3. I was sent to the hospital to have more labs run. We were glad we brought my mom. Because of the coolness of the date 12.12.12 every overly pregnant woman who could wanted to be induced. Because of this there was no room to put me so I ended up in the surgery recovery area. The nurse told me that had never happened before and how they also had never delivered a baby there before. Ummm thanks for giving me something to contemplate. I peed in another cup, my blood was taken, fetal monitoring was done. I didn't mention this before but I had had a nasty cold for over a week at this point. So between my cough and my over active child it was slightly difficult for the nurse to do the monitoring. I had been there for about an hour and everything was looking good. The nurse was basically saying they would probably send me home. My midwife did an OB consult and then came and told me that they were admitting me and I was going to have a baby soon. I was in shock and had to take a minute to process it all. Trev was way excited not only because he was finally getting his baby but frankly he was sick of me being pregnant and this made it so he would miss his final. My midwife explained that the OB she consulted with wanted me to be induced because I was starting to show very early signs of preeclampsia. They didn't want me to get any sicker at that point. My nurse went to work trying to find me a room. Someone was being discharged at that very moment. We gathered up our stuff and headed down the hall to room 112 where we would be spending the next couple of days. My midwife checked me again and I was at a 4. I was entering active labor on my own. While down there she also stripped my membranes OUCH! and then broke my water. About a half hour later pitocin was being pumped into my body along with penicillin for my group b strep and Iv fluids because I was dehydrated. I was told I could have the epi whenever I wanted. I wanted to wait till I really needed it. I started really feeling the contractions about a half hour after pit was started. They were very manageable. I really don't know what happened while we were waiting for me to progress. What I do remember is Trev and mom eating my hospital dinner since I wasn't allowed to eat, throwing up an orange Popsicle, eating pebble ice with a spoon, getting annoyed by the movie the Santa Claus on tv and watching the hills and valleys of my contractions on the monitor. When the contractions started getting worse I had to tell my mom and Trev to stop talking. Eventually I got out of the bed and had Trev stand in front of me. I held onto his biceps and put my head against his chest. I would hold onto him tightly as the contractions came. I have no clue how long this lasted due to the day being a complete time warp. Eventually I asked for the epi. This by far was the worst part of the experience. There is nothing like having a needle wiggling around in spine, trying to stay still and having some major contractions. Plus it seemed to take forever! I'm surprised I had the patience to let the guy finish what he was doing. Things become even more of a blur from this point on. I had some relief from the pain for a little bit and then it stopped working which brought on major amounts of lower back pain. I was redosed then a little bit later it stopped working again. They decided to check me and lo and behold I was complete. No wonder the drugs weren't doing the job . The nurse told me I would be pushing shortly. I freaked out a little because I didn't feel like I was ready to push yet. My mom had just barely left to watch my brother wrestle. So I called her and said, "Mom they checked me and I'm complete." She said, "Your an 8?" "No mom I'm going to start pushing soon I'm complete." She was way excited. The midwife was called and came a little bit later. She was on her way to a Christmas party and was dressed up really nice. She put a surgical gown over clothes and got down to business. Because the epi wasn't working very well I could pretty much feel everything. It didn't really hurt it was more in the realm of discomfort. I was also struggling to breathe because I kept coughing. I ended up using the oxygen mask. For the past several weeks I'd been joking with trev that I would cough our baby out. I kind of did. I pushed and pushed and pushed for about an hour and forty five minutes. Once her head was out I gave two final pushes and she was out. She was born @ 9:15 pm 12.12.12 in room 112. There were 8 other babies born at Orem hospital that day. She was the last of all of them.

2012

2012 was quite a year for us. We decided it was time to start a family. I took a ton of pregnancy tests to confirm that indeed our lives were going to change. Trevor struggled to keep it a secret and we ended up telling people way before we were planning on. Soon after that I started feeling pregnant. Not the good glowing pregnant but the barely able to be in the car without getting sick, laying on the bathroom floor kind of pregnant. Trevor turned 24.The next weeks dragged on. I thought I would die before making it to 13 weeks. I missed a lot of work. I pulled it together to go to school each week, hoping to just pass whatever class I was in. Trevor took a full load of classes in the summer and fall and worked a lot.  We found out that we were having a sweet girl. Slowly our shock wore off and slowly I started to feel better. We traveled to Billings to visit Trevor's grandma. Long car ride with numerous bathroom stops for the pregnant girl. I started to grow larger and larger with a very wiggly baby inside of me. I turned 23 and we celebrated by buying a whole bunch of stuff for the baby. We dressed up as booth and pregnant bones for Halloween. After several stressful weeks I was admitted to the upper portion of course work for my masters. I stopped working right before thanksgiving. I thought I would get a lot done before having the baby. Truth is I felt so rundown that I didn't get much done. The next couple weeks were full of anticipation as we waited for the baby to come. Afton Ruth Ware came 11 days early on 12.12.12 we were so excited to meet her. The last three weeks of our 2012 were spent changing diapers and various sets of sheets, feeding Afton, and staying up all hours of the night trying to find the owners manual for our child. We are so grateful for the many blessings that 2012 brought our little family. 2013 is sure to be an adventure! 

Sweet baby girl,
We are getting so close to your arrival. Daddy is really starting to get impatient. He tells me all the time how he just wants you here NOW! He is so excited to have you. I'm a bit worried I will only get to hold you when you are eating. He is going to want to hold you all the time. We already love you so much! It's hard to imagine how we could love you any more than this. Right now we can't really plan anything because we aren't quite sure when you are going to make your grand appearance. A lot of people think that you are going to come earlier than expected. Mommy doesn't want to get her hopes up but would be happy if that was true. You have a lot of people who are so excited to meet you. You are already loved by so many. So many have set expectations of who you are and what you should be including your momma. But just know whoever you are is more than good enough. With a little help from those around you, you will grow into a most magnificent woman. For some reason The Lord has decided that me and dad are worthy to have your sweet spirit in our family. We are a bit nervous about this but can't wait for this adventure to brgin. We are patiently waiting with open arms to welcome you into our family.
Love,
Mom

For the past six months I have been living almost the exact same day over and over. I wake up hoping to feel normal. Then I get out of bed and realize that feeling won't be back for a long time. The only things that seems to be changing is the size of my bump and the ever increasing love we have for this sweet baby girl.

I never knew that so much personality could come from within the womb. She is constantly wiggling, hiccuping and making her presence known. When all has been calm for awhile she will suddenly kick me as hard as she can just so I don't forget her :) I don't think that is possibly. She is very territorial. She will duke it out with anything invading her space such as my iPad or mattress. Usually around ten o'clock she will calm down waiting for her favorite time of day. She pretty much knows the moment her daddy gets home and thrashes around in excitement. This is by far the time of day when she is most active. Trevor finds it all very entertaining. I'm afraid that this little girl is going to have complete control of him when she is born.

Things are finally starting to pick up motion now. Almost too fast to keep up. We are now standing on the brink of one of the biggest changes we will ever experience. About 9 weeks from now we will become parents. The what ifs that we have talked about for so long are finally starting to become reality. We are making big grown up decisions that will not only impact us but our family. We will soon take the giant step from a couple to a family. We really couldn't be more excited. 

Battle Cry

Recently a friend of my family was diagnosed with cancer. I can not even begin to describe how close to home this has hit. My thoughts have turned time and time again to those first days following the diagnoses of my mothers cancer. I still cry when I think about the emotional turmoil I went through. The care free life I lived came to a screeching halt. Many may not understanding why this had such an impact on my life. I was not the victim of the cancer. But I was a victim of it. I watched my mothers health fade and her hair fall out. I watched the other members of my family scramble to find a way to cope with a world spinning out of control. I tried to keep up with the damage of the storm and many days fell short. This all was happening when I was supposed to be gaining my independence and making my way out in to the world. Instead I was fighting for the most important thing in my life. My family. This fight has been going on for four years. The doctors have used the word remission and the tests come back clear. Now the battle is getting back to sense of normalcy within our family and healing the wounds that were inflicted. None of us came out unscathed. Although that time in my life was very dark and hard I would never wish it away. No single event in my life has transformed me more. I am who I am because of it. As I sit here being the overly emotional pregnant woman I am so thankful to my Heavenly Father for giving me the opportunity to face that trial and receive the lessons and blessings that came with it. I pray for that family that they will be able to have angels with them and be strengthened enough to fight the long battle ahead no matter the outcome. May they find solace and comfort in the everlasting atonement.

Of shut inness and other adventures of pregnancy

Life has been pretty crazy around here. Crazy as in for all of May and June I have felt like I have lived the same day over and over. I've been so sick and unmotivated that not much has happened. I have been taken this little miracle pill that helps me to function on a higher level than without it. Never did I ever consider this would be what I felt like when pregnant. All the same it is all going to be worth it in the end. This week has been a big one at our house. I have finally started to feel somewhat normal. Which is so nice! We went to the doctor last Monday for our 16 week check up. Later that afternoon we had an ultrasound and found out what we are having. When the tech told us we were shocked and asked her if she was sure. Five minutes later we walked out of the office stunned. We are still a little stunned but so excited! We will be having a sweet baby GIRL! We truly thought it was a boy so we have had to completely had to change our perspective of things. In some ways I now feel like I have to step up even more and be a better mother than I thought. I also I have finally started to feel her kick. It's such a weird and awesome thing to know that something is growing inside of you.

Change of Plans

About six months ago we had no plans for a child in the near future. Plans changed. By the way of some baby hunger, conference talks and spiritual nudging we came to the conclusion that now was the time that we needed to start our family. Our situation regarding school, finances and jobs wasn't going to get any better for awhile. At the end of March I for sure thought I was pregnant. I tested and tested and tested over the next two weeks. 12 times to be exact none of them confirming my suspicions. All of them confirming to Trevor that I was truly crazy. I gave it a rest for about five days. On a Monday morning before work around 6 am I woke up. I decided to take one more test. I just knew it would be negative but I needed to take one last test. To put my mind at ease. Two lines appeared. I freaked out a little. I knew for sure I was so crazy I was now seeing things. I walked out of the bathroom. I woke Trevor up by saying quite loudly " ummm Trevor I think I really am pregnant! You need to come check." He rolled out of bed, walked into the bathroom and looked at the test. Yup two lines. Then he preceded to go back to bed! I was freaking out. He was asleep. Later that same day Trevor was so excited he told all his coworkers and various random people throughout the week. Neither of our families even knew. We ended up telling them that Sunday. We went to the doctor a couple weeks after. My due date is December 23. We are getting a baby for Christmas! Since then things have been crazy. At first I felt really good just really tired then I started getting sick. My life is currently unpredictable I wake up in the morning not knowing whether I will be worshipping the " white porcelain goddess" that day or not. I have a prescription for zofran which has helped a lot. Hopefully I will be out of this lovely phase soon and be able to enjoy life a little more.

I'm cool like that

So I have finally gotten to the point where I love everything about my job. Every time I go to work I am reminded of why I chose this career field. When people hear that I work with juveniles that say all sorts things like " wow you are so brave. I could never do that. Arent you worried about what they have done and will do?" etc. I think it is sad that they think all these things without even knowing these kids. They are all good kids that have made some mistakes. They all deserve a chance to get back on track. Anyways I am starting to divert from what I was going to say. I am cool! Yes that is right. These kids think I am so cool. This seems like somewhat of a miracle to me. These kids are the hard core druggies, partyers, jocks, etc of their high schools. How in the world do they think that I am cool? Well usually it starts and sometimes ends with the fact that I drive a "cool" car. Once they found that out they start saying "Dude(that "dude" being me) your car is sick( apparently "sick" is a good thing now)!!!" They then ask a million questions about my car. Questions that I have no answer to because I have no clue what they are asking. Like do you have twelves on it? What kind of sound system do you have. My response is ummmm a really loud one. Also the fact that I am pretty sarcastic and have a bit of a dry sense of humor helps me to be "cool". The other day one of the kids came up to me and we had this conversation. Kid: Mallory you are such an OG! Me: Umm do you mean OG as in Original Gangster? Kid: Yes! You are an Original Ganster! Me: (laughing) yeah..... right. Kid: No you are so OG your collar needs t be popped. And you are so fly that you don't have to pop your collar because other people do it for you.
Yup apparently I am not only a gangster but an Original one at that. I am pretty sure when he called me that OG's everywhere cringed a little bit that this white Mormon girl is now considered to be one of them.

Facebook

My relationship with Facebook is very rocky lately. I struggle with Facebook. It is a very love/hate between us. Because of this I have deactivated my relationship with Facebook several times in the last couple of months. In real life when people say something like I'll message you on FB or you should friend me, I say that I no longer have a FB. This comment pretty much brings the same reaction from everyone. First they open their mouth and their eyes get big in a very shocked manner. Then they hurriedly ask why. I respond that it's for several different reasons and explain at least one. Lastly they try to justify to me why they still have a FB. They must think I am THAT kind of person that doesn't believe in technology. This whole thing is quite hilarious to me because I could care less whether someone has FB or not. After they tell me that they only have FB to keep in touch with family and close friends (all 1,000). I try to comfort them for feeling guilty about having a profile. Then the conversation ends.
Let me explain some of the reasons for the troubles in my relationship with Facebook.
First off i am kind of freaked out by it. I worry that one day somebody who is a creeper is going to use all the random stuff I post. With this information they will stalk me and my family and kidnap my sweet firstborn(remember this is in the future). Seriously though I have heard a lot of things lately about how what you do on the Internet can be tracked and used against you. I don't want the fact that I ate a grilled cheese sandwich on January 15, 2012 at 1:43 pm to be used against and possibly to even damage my flawless reputation.

Secondly I just get sick of knowing so much about people that I don't know in real life very well. It gets very noisy sometimes. Once in awhile I just need some silence.

Thirdly I can't stand when people air their dirty laundry for everyone to see. That kid from your 10th grade class that you partnered up with for one project doesn't want to know that you got in a fight with your second husbands first wife and that you have been crying for the past week because of the mean things she said about you. It's sad we are all sorry for you but mostly because posting things like this tends to really say that you are craving attention and validation from a hundred of your bestest friends. Consequently, the response the above person would (and has given) is that if you don't want to know then don't read it. Well the thing is when you are scrolling down your feed on FB it is hard to ignore status that have lots of caps,!!!, or tons of comments.

Fourthly it bothers me that people don't censor themselves a bit more and are not sensitive to those around (being FB) them. Being in school for the counseling profession I have learned a lot. One of the biggest things I have learned is that everyone has a story. Sometimes sharing your joys with someone can be a very painful thing for them. What I am talking about are things like the pregnancy statuses. There are others things but this is just an example. It is okay to announce you are pregnant. I don't think it is okay to continually update about how sucky your pregnancy is. There are people that are reading that status and hurting inside because all they want is to be pregnant and be throwing up. But they can't. I hope this makes sense.

Fifthly in life we all have struggles. Facebook is not the place to solicit for advice. If life really sucks that much, maybe it is time for professional help.

This is why I feel the way I do about Facebook. I don't know if I will ever officially delete my Facebook. I know there are some benefits of having a profile but currently I sometimes don't feel like the benefits outweigh everything else.

Isn't it about time....

To write another blog post?
Yes yes it is.
It is hard to be consistent in posting when my life is so non consistent it becomes somewhat mostly boring. Let me talk a little about my life. Like I have mentioned before, I am currently working on my masters degree. It is awesomely stressful. I go to school every Tuesday from 6-10 pm. I work part time at a secure care facility for juveniles. When I say part time more than part of the time I work almost 40 hours a week. My schedule at work is very unpredictable. I work every shift including the graveyard shifts. Besides being scheduled for my normal shifts I am the first to be called when a shift needs covered. This means that I never know what my schedule for the week is going to be like. It makes it hard to get my school work done on time.
Trevor is working full time swing shifts and has been doing this since we got married. This makes for a not normal relationship. We don't usually eat dinner together because he is at work. If I am motivated enough I make him dinner before he goes to work. About once a week or less I will take him dinner on his break. Our schedules cross a lot. So sometimes we will go days without seeing each other, other than to sleep next to each other at night. Currently he is working doubles, swing shift and then graves for three weeks. It's been a bit hard but we are getting used to it. With his over time he is making time and half so we will be able to put the extra money to another car this spring.

Ode to the house I call home.

Yes this is my second post in a day. I have sadly forgotten to talk about how much I like my house. I really like my house. It is awesome. Like I said in previous post all I wanted in life was a dishwasher and a second outlet in my bathroom. I got a whole lot more then that!

Now a list of awesomeness from my house/ having a house:

I have a place to put everything! (That doesn't mean everything is in its rightful place yet):
It does not take me hours to do dishes. I rinse them and place them in a shiny white dishwasher that is all mine.
I have lots of outlets in my bathroom now.
We now each have our own room four our own respective junk. Mine being a sewing room!
I have beautiful twinkling blue and white icicle Christmas lights.
I don't have to scrape my car in the Winter anymore. Yay! for a garage.
There is so much space!!!!!
And many more awesome things....

We paid our first mortgage. That was fun.... but at least it actually goes to owning something. I have learned that even though having a house is nice it means that there is lots more cleaning to do. Not so fun.

Planning, Love/Hate Relationship

Once upon a time several years ago I had this grand dream of getting my Doctorate. I was very ambitious and ready to become an independent woman with several levels of degree awesomeness in hand. Then one day this guy came back into my life. He pretty much swept me off my feet. (Cheesy, lame, cliche, but it happened). Out through the window went the Dr. Mallory plan. Then I didn't really have time to make a new plan...... Ok lets be honest the only "plan" going on in my head had to do with a ring, a dress, and a new relationship status on Facebook (kidding). Then my wildest dreams came true (Thanks Pedro and Napoleon. Yes I just referred to a movie that was only cool for like three months.) We got married. Then I realized I needed a new plan.

Here is a hypothetical conversation from my head. Ok Mallory let's be honest here. You are awesome but realistically 8 more years of school probably isn't going to happen. Don't you want a family, a house, a job without two houses worth of student loans? So then I said to myself, Hey how about you just get your Master's degree. You kind of need it anyways if you want any chance at making enough money to feed your husband and 1 hypothetical child. You already are a good student and whipped through college in three years what's three more years on top that?

So now you know how I got to my current plan that I am trying to fully execute. The thing with plans well my plans at least is that they pretty much never work the way they are supposed to. Somehow, somewhere, someone likes to throw things into the mix. Then I have to do more planning of plans that I will probably never see the full fruitation of.

Marriage seems to make choice a bit more difficult. Instead of just considering my different options in life and how to plan them out I now have to plan for two people and maybe up to 12. (yeah..... (9 kids..... and a dog)......... right). Trevor I think perhaps enjoys the fact that I am slightly (*cough* we can only hope) crazy... about planning things out. He probably just enjoys the entertainment but i will pretend that he enjoys having me plan out both of our lives so he doesn't have to worry about it.

Anyways holy cow that all brings me back to what I originally was going to write this post about. SCHOOL. dun dun DUN. I LOVE it!!!!! It is so nice to be so entirely focused on stuff that is completely applicable to my career choice. I sit through four hour classes and actually can pay attention THE entire time! (Except for my current class due to a teacher that resembles Dolores Umbridge (Harry Potter) in every way) Everything I am learning is really fascinating and I can see it in my own life and see how it will help my future client's. Sometimes I will get really excited about random things I have learned in class such as the stages of mental development. The next time I see a  "everyday regular person" in my life, which is usually Trevor, I will say Oh this is random but it is so cool and I have to tell someone! Then I will proceed to tell said person all about that random thing that they probably aren't very interested in. Yes I am and nerd and Yes that is how much I love school. Oh how nice it is to be in a place where I know who I am and where I am going.

I HATE it!!!!! Every single Monday without fail I tell Trevor I am going to quit. The reason is because I have a paper due the next day and have yet to write a sentence. I confess I am a hardcore procrastinator. So hardcore I have actually developed the awesome power of actually being good at it. It's Tuesday at 3pm. I have a 3 page paper on moral development due at 6pm. I have to also drive to PG in that time slot. No problem. I will whip the paper up and have time to spare to eat, do some dishes and check my Facebook. Currently I have a 6 page paper waiting to be written by Tuesday at 6. I haven't even thought of a title. That will be putting a bit of pressure on my procrastination skills. I am not bragging. This is all a confession.

I also don't like school because it gets in the way of my planning. I have to plan for my work and school schedule and Trevor's work and school schedule and divide that by one car. I also have to plan for a new job (crossing of body parts) and eventually an internship. Sometimes people try to plan for me. In the culture bubble that is Utah it is almost expected that after a sufficient amount of time (1 month up to 2 years) being married you should introduce everyone to your new bundle of joy.  I was asked several times within months of marriage, by not a "everyday regular person" but by different somebodies "I kind of have known for years but not really" when we would be starting a family. Nunya.  A small human being takes planning. Lots of planning. It, being the small human, also takes lots of time being taken care of. We do not have that time. I do not have that sanity (yet?). Honestly, my mom bought me two housewarming plants when we moved into our house, I can barely keep them alive. And all I have to do for those is give them sunlight and water. I think it is best for the sake of a human life to stay away from planning that life altering decision into my life just yet.

Okay this is officially the longest post on my blog yet. It kind of makes up for the short posts and lack there of.

Home Sweet Home!

We are just about settled in our new home. That does not mean however that everything is put away in the right place. We had a bit of a headache trying to close on the house and ended up closing five days later than we were supposed to. The day after Halloween we loaded everything into a Uhaul and took it to the house. With the help of my FIL and two little brothers we got everything into our garage. From there we put away in the house throughout the rest of the week. Buying a house is stressful. Moving is stressful. Writing a paper for a Masters class while in the midst of all of this is even more stressful. Luckily by some twisted stroke of fate the crap paper I turned in ended up supposedly being an A paper. I will take the grade and run. So we have spent the past couple weeks putting together our home. It is strange to think that we will be here for awhile. It is even stranger to think that one day far away our children will live and breath here. We love our house and are excited to build a home for our family here.

Piles of boxes

The boxes are starting to pile up in our front room. Packing is such a pain. First of all it has made me realize how much junk we have collected since we got married. I am trying to go through things and throw stuff out. It is quite the undertaking. Secondly I am pretty much to the point where I can't pack anything else up until the day we move. We close next Wednesday. Trevor plans to pick up our fridge and take it over to the house on Wednesday. It also has decided to move our bed and some essentials over so that we can spend our first night in our new house on Wednesday. We are so excited and a bit overwhelmed with everything that needs to be done.
I also have started my first class of my masters program. Holy cow it is a lot of work. Even though I only take one class at a time the workload is worth a semester full of classes and I do it all in six weeks! Although it is extremely stressful I love it! I love that I am learning about stuff that I enjoy and that will help me in my future career.