Stuck

Afton has always been such a huge blessing in my life. She is my bright spot. Her sweet spirit has gotten me through times of darkness and turmoil. I have already learned so much from being her mother. Everyday I learn more and more about how much my heavenly parent's love me just from feeling the love I have for her. I am constantly being taught lessons about life and who I am just by being her mother. The other day I was helping Afton take her clothes off so she could have a bath. I was pulling up her shirt and she slipped both of her arms out. The shirt was stuck over her face and she began to panic. She flailed her arms and whined. I tried to help her but she kept wiggling too much. I quietly reassured her that everything would be okay if she would just let me help. She calmed down and I was able to get her shirt off. In that moment it hit me. So many times in my life I have been stuck in darkness. I have panicked and not known what to do. I have forgotten that there is always someone there to help. I'm sure so many times I have been whispered to that it would all be okay if I just waited for help. Unfortunately many times I have not heard these quiet whispering a and have continued to flail in my darkness for quite some time before I was able to escape. I regret this. I'm sure in some ways I have made things harder for myself. This moment with Afton has stuck with me since it happened. I thought it over and over in my mind. The more I think about it the more I know that it is time for me to really start listening and being willing to receive help from those who love. I can no longer do it alone.

Another Round

Here I go again..... 

I have much more freedom than I have had in a long time. Too much freedom. Enough to drive me insane half of the time. Enough freedom that I have time to ramble to myself about various things that may or may not be of interest to anybody but me. Once in awhile I will get a genius thought and think, "Man that should really be in a blogpost." So here I am ready for another round. Pretending that this may last. We will see. 

I quit my job.

Thus 40+ hours of freedom to do this ^.

I loved my job. I loved my coworkers and the amazing teens I got to work with. I felt like I was making a difference and I knew I was where I was needed. As time went on I became restless. It was time to grow in different ways. It was/is still SCARY. I'm trying to trust that The Lord knows what he is doing. It is a RELIEF. I now have time to take care of my family and myself.  It is STRANGE. I haven't been this free since maybe never. I don't know what to do with all this time. The things I dream of doing are more like nightmares if you add a splash of toddler in the mix. Excercise? Ha yeah while Afton tries to climb up on the elliptical with me. (I am currently experimenting with various forms of distraction) Library? All I can see is Afton walking down the aisles ripping books off the shelves. Cooking? Tried it... Somehow Afton ended up with a mouthful of yeast when I wasn't looking. 

I haven't even been jobless a month. I still have time to perfect the "art" of entertaining a toddler while getting stuff done.