Sweet baby girl,
We are getting so close to your arrival. Daddy is really starting to get impatient. He tells me all the time how he just wants you here NOW! He is so excited to have you. I'm a bit worried I will only get to hold you when you are eating. He is going to want to hold you all the time. We already love you so much! It's hard to imagine how we could love you any more than this. Right now we can't really plan anything because we aren't quite sure when you are going to make your grand appearance. A lot of people think that you are going to come earlier than expected. Mommy doesn't want to get her hopes up but would be happy if that was true. You have a lot of people who are so excited to meet you. You are already loved by so many. So many have set expectations of who you are and what you should be including your momma. But just know whoever you are is more than good enough. With a little help from those around you, you will grow into a most magnificent woman. For some reason The Lord has decided that me and dad are worthy to have your sweet spirit in our family. We are a bit nervous about this but can't wait for this adventure to brgin. We are patiently waiting with open arms to welcome you into our family.
Love,
Mom

For the past six months I have been living almost the exact same day over and over. I wake up hoping to feel normal. Then I get out of bed and realize that feeling won't be back for a long time. The only things that seems to be changing is the size of my bump and the ever increasing love we have for this sweet baby girl.

I never knew that so much personality could come from within the womb. She is constantly wiggling, hiccuping and making her presence known. When all has been calm for awhile she will suddenly kick me as hard as she can just so I don't forget her :) I don't think that is possibly. She is very territorial. She will duke it out with anything invading her space such as my iPad or mattress. Usually around ten o'clock she will calm down waiting for her favorite time of day. She pretty much knows the moment her daddy gets home and thrashes around in excitement. This is by far the time of day when she is most active. Trevor finds it all very entertaining. I'm afraid that this little girl is going to have complete control of him when she is born.

Things are finally starting to pick up motion now. Almost too fast to keep up. We are now standing on the brink of one of the biggest changes we will ever experience. About 9 weeks from now we will become parents. The what ifs that we have talked about for so long are finally starting to become reality. We are making big grown up decisions that will not only impact us but our family. We will soon take the giant step from a couple to a family. We really couldn't be more excited. 

Battle Cry

Recently a friend of my family was diagnosed with cancer. I can not even begin to describe how close to home this has hit. My thoughts have turned time and time again to those first days following the diagnoses of my mothers cancer. I still cry when I think about the emotional turmoil I went through. The care free life I lived came to a screeching halt. Many may not understanding why this had such an impact on my life. I was not the victim of the cancer. But I was a victim of it. I watched my mothers health fade and her hair fall out. I watched the other members of my family scramble to find a way to cope with a world spinning out of control. I tried to keep up with the damage of the storm and many days fell short. This all was happening when I was supposed to be gaining my independence and making my way out in to the world. Instead I was fighting for the most important thing in my life. My family. This fight has been going on for four years. The doctors have used the word remission and the tests come back clear. Now the battle is getting back to sense of normalcy within our family and healing the wounds that were inflicted. None of us came out unscathed. Although that time in my life was very dark and hard I would never wish it away. No single event in my life has transformed me more. I am who I am because of it. As I sit here being the overly emotional pregnant woman I am so thankful to my Heavenly Father for giving me the opportunity to face that trial and receive the lessons and blessings that came with it. I pray for that family that they will be able to have angels with them and be strengthened enough to fight the long battle ahead no matter the outcome. May they find solace and comfort in the everlasting atonement.

Of shut inness and other adventures of pregnancy

Life has been pretty crazy around here. Crazy as in for all of May and June I have felt like I have lived the same day over and over. I've been so sick and unmotivated that not much has happened. I have been taken this little miracle pill that helps me to function on a higher level than without it. Never did I ever consider this would be what I felt like when pregnant. All the same it is all going to be worth it in the end. This week has been a big one at our house. I have finally started to feel somewhat normal. Which is so nice! We went to the doctor last Monday for our 16 week check up. Later that afternoon we had an ultrasound and found out what we are having. When the tech told us we were shocked and asked her if she was sure. Five minutes later we walked out of the office stunned. We are still a little stunned but so excited! We will be having a sweet baby GIRL! We truly thought it was a boy so we have had to completely had to change our perspective of things. In some ways I now feel like I have to step up even more and be a better mother than I thought. I also I have finally started to feel her kick. It's such a weird and awesome thing to know that something is growing inside of you.

Change of Plans

About six months ago we had no plans for a child in the near future. Plans changed. By the way of some baby hunger, conference talks and spiritual nudging we came to the conclusion that now was the time that we needed to start our family. Our situation regarding school, finances and jobs wasn't going to get any better for awhile. At the end of March I for sure thought I was pregnant. I tested and tested and tested over the next two weeks. 12 times to be exact none of them confirming my suspicions. All of them confirming to Trevor that I was truly crazy. I gave it a rest for about five days. On a Monday morning before work around 6 am I woke up. I decided to take one more test. I just knew it would be negative but I needed to take one last test. To put my mind at ease. Two lines appeared. I freaked out a little. I knew for sure I was so crazy I was now seeing things. I walked out of the bathroom. I woke Trevor up by saying quite loudly " ummm Trevor I think I really am pregnant! You need to come check." He rolled out of bed, walked into the bathroom and looked at the test. Yup two lines. Then he preceded to go back to bed! I was freaking out. He was asleep. Later that same day Trevor was so excited he told all his coworkers and various random people throughout the week. Neither of our families even knew. We ended up telling them that Sunday. We went to the doctor a couple weeks after. My due date is December 23. We are getting a baby for Christmas! Since then things have been crazy. At first I felt really good just really tired then I started getting sick. My life is currently unpredictable I wake up in the morning not knowing whether I will be worshipping the " white porcelain goddess" that day or not. I have a prescription for zofran which has helped a lot. Hopefully I will be out of this lovely phase soon and be able to enjoy life a little more.

I'm cool like that

So I have finally gotten to the point where I love everything about my job. Every time I go to work I am reminded of why I chose this career field. When people hear that I work with juveniles that say all sorts things like " wow you are so brave. I could never do that. Arent you worried about what they have done and will do?" etc. I think it is sad that they think all these things without even knowing these kids. They are all good kids that have made some mistakes. They all deserve a chance to get back on track. Anyways I am starting to divert from what I was going to say. I am cool! Yes that is right. These kids think I am so cool. This seems like somewhat of a miracle to me. These kids are the hard core druggies, partyers, jocks, etc of their high schools. How in the world do they think that I am cool? Well usually it starts and sometimes ends with the fact that I drive a "cool" car. Once they found that out they start saying "Dude(that "dude" being me) your car is sick( apparently "sick" is a good thing now)!!!" They then ask a million questions about my car. Questions that I have no answer to because I have no clue what they are asking. Like do you have twelves on it? What kind of sound system do you have. My response is ummmm a really loud one. Also the fact that I am pretty sarcastic and have a bit of a dry sense of humor helps me to be "cool". The other day one of the kids came up to me and we had this conversation. Kid: Mallory you are such an OG! Me: Umm do you mean OG as in Original Gangster? Kid: Yes! You are an Original Ganster! Me: (laughing) yeah..... right. Kid: No you are so OG your collar needs t be popped. And you are so fly that you don't have to pop your collar because other people do it for you.
Yup apparently I am not only a gangster but an Original one at that. I am pretty sure when he called me that OG's everywhere cringed a little bit that this white Mormon girl is now considered to be one of them.

Facebook

My relationship with Facebook is very rocky lately. I struggle with Facebook. It is a very love/hate between us. Because of this I have deactivated my relationship with Facebook several times in the last couple of months. In real life when people say something like I'll message you on FB or you should friend me, I say that I no longer have a FB. This comment pretty much brings the same reaction from everyone. First they open their mouth and their eyes get big in a very shocked manner. Then they hurriedly ask why. I respond that it's for several different reasons and explain at least one. Lastly they try to justify to me why they still have a FB. They must think I am THAT kind of person that doesn't believe in technology. This whole thing is quite hilarious to me because I could care less whether someone has FB or not. After they tell me that they only have FB to keep in touch with family and close friends (all 1,000). I try to comfort them for feeling guilty about having a profile. Then the conversation ends.
Let me explain some of the reasons for the troubles in my relationship with Facebook.
First off i am kind of freaked out by it. I worry that one day somebody who is a creeper is going to use all the random stuff I post. With this information they will stalk me and my family and kidnap my sweet firstborn(remember this is in the future). Seriously though I have heard a lot of things lately about how what you do on the Internet can be tracked and used against you. I don't want the fact that I ate a grilled cheese sandwich on January 15, 2012 at 1:43 pm to be used against and possibly to even damage my flawless reputation.

Secondly I just get sick of knowing so much about people that I don't know in real life very well. It gets very noisy sometimes. Once in awhile I just need some silence.

Thirdly I can't stand when people air their dirty laundry for everyone to see. That kid from your 10th grade class that you partnered up with for one project doesn't want to know that you got in a fight with your second husbands first wife and that you have been crying for the past week because of the mean things she said about you. It's sad we are all sorry for you but mostly because posting things like this tends to really say that you are craving attention and validation from a hundred of your bestest friends. Consequently, the response the above person would (and has given) is that if you don't want to know then don't read it. Well the thing is when you are scrolling down your feed on FB it is hard to ignore status that have lots of caps,!!!, or tons of comments.

Fourthly it bothers me that people don't censor themselves a bit more and are not sensitive to those around (being FB) them. Being in school for the counseling profession I have learned a lot. One of the biggest things I have learned is that everyone has a story. Sometimes sharing your joys with someone can be a very painful thing for them. What I am talking about are things like the pregnancy statuses. There are others things but this is just an example. It is okay to announce you are pregnant. I don't think it is okay to continually update about how sucky your pregnancy is. There are people that are reading that status and hurting inside because all they want is to be pregnant and be throwing up. But they can't. I hope this makes sense.

Fifthly in life we all have struggles. Facebook is not the place to solicit for advice. If life really sucks that much, maybe it is time for professional help.

This is why I feel the way I do about Facebook. I don't know if I will ever officially delete my Facebook. I know there are some benefits of having a profile but currently I sometimes don't feel like the benefits outweigh everything else.

Isn't it about time....

To write another blog post?
Yes yes it is.
It is hard to be consistent in posting when my life is so non consistent it becomes somewhat mostly boring. Let me talk a little about my life. Like I have mentioned before, I am currently working on my masters degree. It is awesomely stressful. I go to school every Tuesday from 6-10 pm. I work part time at a secure care facility for juveniles. When I say part time more than part of the time I work almost 40 hours a week. My schedule at work is very unpredictable. I work every shift including the graveyard shifts. Besides being scheduled for my normal shifts I am the first to be called when a shift needs covered. This means that I never know what my schedule for the week is going to be like. It makes it hard to get my school work done on time.
Trevor is working full time swing shifts and has been doing this since we got married. This makes for a not normal relationship. We don't usually eat dinner together because he is at work. If I am motivated enough I make him dinner before he goes to work. About once a week or less I will take him dinner on his break. Our schedules cross a lot. So sometimes we will go days without seeing each other, other than to sleep next to each other at night. Currently he is working doubles, swing shift and then graves for three weeks. It's been a bit hard but we are getting used to it. With his over time he is making time and half so we will be able to put the extra money to another car this spring.